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Give and Take by ~iimonkeefunkii:iconiimonkeefunkii:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


When time slows quickly
You must give a shock to the clock inside
To get another tick, another hour, another beat

When blood flows thickly
You must cool your heated pride
To keep a friend, know thyself not defeat

When life grows strictly
You must stand together to divide
To have independence and be unique

When hope poses sickly
You must lift life as a gift and confide
To live thoroughly, happy, and complete
©2004-2010 ~iimonkeefunkii
:iconiimonkeefunkii:

Author's Comments

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Save a tree, eat a beaver.

Comments


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:icondying-lonely:
=dying-lonely Dec 16, 2004, 12:37:04 AM
*claps* :heart: :hug: i like this. you're very good at rhymes.

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Avatar picture borrowed from [link]
:iconlonewolfzero:
~Lonewolfzero Dec 16, 2004, 7:12:43 AM
Wonderful. You've come a long way. looks like you are no longer my rival... you have surpassed me. Wonderful work. ^^

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With every single piece in it's place, we go on living without balance.
As much as we desire, as much as our hearts desire....
Beneath the same sky we were born under, let light and shadow repeat.
:iconthe-last-francis:
~The-Last-Francis Dec 16, 2004, 7:31:54 AM
The structure seems really well figured out, and the rhyming really benefits from having the seperation (its better than each line rhyming with the next as that often feels repetative) but it was really ingenious to have each staza of three rhyming with each respective staza (?). The subject matter is really well treated as well, it feels like a rational reflection after a time of nauseating desperation, optimistic but not naive....

***** 5 stars! (haha)

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So long happy fields, where joy forever dwells, hail horrors, hail!
:iconadrakelen:
~Adrakelen Dec 16, 2004, 8:20:12 PM
I like it but i rather fictive stories than moral... If i could understood all... :-/ Which is not sure...

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:alien: Adrakelen :alien:

Visit my wife's pages
:backward-child:
:iconraptor1565:
~Raptor1565 Dec 24, 2004, 7:57:52 AM
great Analogy on Life..... good work

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Todays Forecast, a sprinkle of genuis, with a slight chance of DOOM!!!
:iconiimonkeefunkii:
~iimonkeefunkii Dec 24, 2004, 10:53:38 PM
No problem. =) Thanks for your honesty.
:iconiimonkeefunkii:
~iimonkeefunkii Dec 24, 2004, 10:56:05 PM
I love it! Thanks for the critique. I don't know too much about structure and well written poems, just rhyming, I guess. But you're helping me grow! :hug:
:iconiimonkeefunkii:
~iimonkeefunkii Dec 24, 2004, 10:56:34 PM
I highly doubt I've surpassed anyone.
:iconiimonkeefunkii:
~iimonkeefunkii Dec 24, 2004, 10:58:57 PM
Thank you, I appreciate your time watching me. :hug: I know how to rhyme, but I don't know structure. Maybe sometime in the future, I'll learn.
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