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Just tell someone no to something they want or hoped for and watch them lose their shit! "You're all a bunch of big babies!" I've reacted like a big baby a few times. It's not worthy at all. Very embarrassing. The older you get, though, I would think you would have a better handle on your composure when someone is trying to talk to you rationally. Fuck that though, when it isn't good enough, it just isn't good enough. Shouldn't be surprised but I always am. Is it because the majority of the people are decent and then when we get that asshole who asks for too much that we just shun them or is it because we fixate? Either way that does sound bad. If we dissect, there would be more understanding, but who has time.
I don't want to go to church. I don't want to go to Texas. I don't want to go to church in Texas. I don't wanna! Pout.
My life is counting up the days and I'm not doing anything worthwhile and the back of my mind doesn't rest by poking at me with these thoughts of stagnation and doubt. Oh...drowning in doubt. Sometimes I think that if my parents didn't care about what my future was, I'd be happy go lucky with working at Best Buy, but the people are getting to me. I should realize that I have tons more good times with cool people, but I don't. I can't stand when good people get crapped on. Plus I'm too damned critical of my coworkers. I keep thinking I'm "God's gift" to my trade, but I'm just blowing smoke up my own ass and letting my head get big when I get commended for my work. I should stop. I get annoyed by Nick doing his homework in the back, Cheyenne asking for favors and never returning them, Chelsea calling out every almost weekly, Sarah being so uppity, the newbies (and this is completely uncalled for) being confused. Broken processes, managers not backing you up, customers getting upset at the drop of a hat. No more favors, though. Maybe I can stop thinking too critically when I don't try too hard. Even that statement doesn't sit well with me because I sound too full of myself! I am!! I know it, I want it to stop... =\ How do I practice.
Fife AM
Hunger strikes in the mornin'. And then molten sugar burns and boils my skin! ... no comment. Nutella on toast, sugar-y cinnamon-y bread. Choco milk! Hold the lactose and the farts. Sleepy time.
Ignored then Disconnected
Weefee. Used to have a common understanding and a common interest. But growing up things get different and we change. Be it on as a happenstance or out of regret and dislike. Because of all the mistakes and stupidity. Now it just feels like one big regret. Regretting who I used to be and it bleeds over to who I am even though I know I've grown and gotten better as a person. It feels like it doesn't matter.
Incompl
Thao, you never finish anything you start!@!!!
Born Here and Now
I get overwhelmingly terrified at the thought...I wasn't born during turmoil. The amount of fortune I have by just the simple fact that I was born a certain time and a certain place is insignificant and at the same time huge. Not war torn countries in the height of oblivion. Then again, I could be terrified about a lot of things, could have been kidnapped and raped for months and then shot up full of drugs and killed slowly or something that isn't supposed to happen. ...can't live your life being paranoid about all that is around you, but you can't be too careless. Then again, walking to your car at night after work on a particular night that
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I attempt my dumbed down work ethic. It hasn't worked yet. I still get angry and I still am working like a dog. I thought living in Santa Cruz near beaches and shit would be better because everyone would be relaxed, but they aren't. ...they're all cra----zy! Just kidding. They're alright for the most part. I just don't have enough going on in my life or something. That's what I saw about people who don't have patience or fixate on meaningless stuff.
Hoooow are you? 3 year old...ehrmagad.
Hoooow are you? 3 year old...ehrmagad.